Gold rings and Spanish toilets - Benidorm

Gold Rings & Spanish Toilets

Have you ever heard the saying that heaven & hell are the same place? Well let me take you on a journey.

It was my first ever time abroad. Aiden, a friend of mine, had been waiting a long time for his insurance payout after a motorcycle accident and he had plans for the very day it came through. He was going abroad. In fact 'we' were going abroad. Aiden invited me to come along and he would pay for the whole thing. I had never travelled abroad in my life. In fact I'd never been on a plane before. Within just one day of the insurance payout we were on our way to paradise. Sun, sea, sand and...you know. For me, if heaven existed, this is what it would look like.

Deep down I think all of us want to be happy. This was my idea of heaven. Holidays in this part of the world have a reputation for crazy levels of drunkenness and with the drunkenness comes crazy sex. I figured my chances of 'getting laid' had just significantly increased. For me this was my 'happy place'

It was obvious on the coach to the hotel that I was not the only one with that idea. There were a couple of young men on board who seemed to make it their job to let everyone know as loudly as possible just how anarchic they were. It's probably best not to go into detail about what they got up to.

Paradise found. On my way to golden beaches

Once we were in Spain we had the chance to stroll around during the day giving me the chance to impress the locals with my fluent Spanish {all 5 words of it}. Other times we would just laze on the beach. We stayed in an apartment several stories up with a long view of the coastline and part of the sea. I could seriously see myself living there.

Paradise lived. I didn't give England a second thought

While life was quite chilled during the day it got very interesting during the night. We went out and explored some of the clubs and bars including one that had a strip show. In the days before the internet and much more rigorous T.V censorship this was a whole new taste of paradise.

We ended up in a bar / club where we recognised a couple of women that were staying at the same hotel as us. We figured this would be our best chance. At this point it is important to introduce to you a central part of this narrative. Aiden had his own view of paradise. Part of his own happy world was wearing gold rings. These were his babies in a sense. He took great pride in them. That night, before we hit this club he actually let me try a couple of them on. I'm not sure if it was me or him who decided this would impress the girls. I've no idea what he paid for them but now a couple of these gold rings were on my fingers for the night. I felt good. Very good.

So there we were. Sitting there drinking in a Mediterranean resort, looking at females and then spotting a couple of girls that we had spoken to previously in the hotel. This is it. Paradise here we come. This is an easy win.

I'm not quite sure what happened next but a group of loud, excitable a very drunk guys in party mood came into the club and next thing you know they move on these girls and next thing you know they are kissing passionately while we just sat there, embarrassed, like a pair of idiots.

The night kind of went downhill from there. We drew a blank that evening and decided to make our way back to the hotel. So we are walking back in the relative cool of the early hours of the morning when it happened. I looked down at my hands and to my absolute horror...there were no rings! Nothing. As I'm walking right next to Aiden I'm looking down and his 'babies' are gone!

This is probably a good time to fill you in on an important detail about Aiden. He had a very violent upbringing. So bad in fact that he began to show the very violence that he was subjected to while growing up. It was so serious that he was on medication to keep him from exploding into rage. I've seen this before. We were in a club once and some total stranger offended him in some way. It quickly went into them eyeballing each other but Aiden just stood motionless then he snapped. One punch was all it took. Blink and you'd miss it. One moment the guy was standing there trying to stare Aiden out. The next moment he was prostrate on the floor. During all of this Aiden showed no emotion. He just had this glazed over look. I think one of us gently ushered him away and out of the club before the doormen figured out what was going on.

Aiden {The name actually means 'fiery'} once shared with me some of his background and how he learned to punch with devastating effect. Add to that the deep rage that was just below the surface and his love for weightlifting and you have a very strong, very angry and very dangerous man.

So there I am. A thousand miles from home, sharing an apartment with this guy and I've just lost two of his most precious possessions. I should have listened when he handed over the rings and repeatedly insisted that I 'look after them' and 'don't lose or damage them'. He looked genuinely pained at even the idea that something might happen to his precious rings. Now they are gone.

It couldn't get any worse. Well actually yes it could. Aiden had been drinking which means he wasn't on his medication {you can't mix the medication and alcohol} so he didn't take his medication when he wanted a drink. I was in trouble. Really serious trouble.

A huge burst of fear and adrenaline began to rush through my already alcohol softened mind. Through the mental fog I desperately tried to figure out where I could have left or dropped those rings. At the same time I'm trying to keep my hands on my pockets. In the space or a couple of hours I had gone from paradise to paradise lost to the edge of hell as I knew it. Any moment Aiden could ask for his rings back and he certainly was going to notice when we got back to the hotel and he asked for me to return them. What was I going to do? I had to find the rings but how could I look for them without arousing suspicion?

A touch of heaven right near your fingertips. Aiden's gold rings were very precious to him.

Just then I had a flash of inspiration. Of course, the toilet I went to before we left the club! I had the rings on when we were talking to the girls. I didn't have them now. I went to the toilet before I left. I must retrace my steps and get back there.

So I spun Aiden a line about some girl looking at me repeatedly when we were at the club and said she was on her own and told him "You go on ahead. I don't want to pass up this opportunity." To my relief he went along with it and I retraced my steps all the way back to the club, all the way looking at the pavement to see if any of the rings had come off later.

I got there and tried to make my way to the men's toilets. By this time the club was packed. It took me ages to get through the crowds and there was a queue to even get into the gents. Once inside, the full horror of what awaited me became apparent. This place was a full on drink fest and as a result these old and battered men's toilets were in a disgusting condition. There was urine all over the floor and the place stank like nothing on earth. {except maybe another toilet in the same resort!}. I waited to get into the cubicle I used before. There were a number of men who were in front of me. I recall the toilet not flushing so the rings would not have dissapeared. I was sure they had not fallen off before. It must have been while I was leaning over that toilet. I waited as first one guy and then another did his business in there then finally I got in. I came face to face with hell itself!

I've no idea how many men had been in there in the time since I had been there but as I looked down I saw the deeply disturbing result. A stenching pile of faeces both solid and otherwise {most people get the runs through drinking the local water here} along with numerous people who has drunk so much it came back up.

Add to that the many who had urinated on that nefarious pile and you had something that actually made me feel ill. I looked down and I knew my rings were in there. My mind went back to Aiden at the hotel and I realised that I faced a stark choice. I could go back and get beaten into the middle of next week or I could roll up my sleeve, hold my breath and save myself from a lifetime of plastic surgery.

As I struggled to keep the door shut {There was no lock on the door and drunken men were constantly trying to push their way in} and trying not to slip on the yellow soaked sludge on the floor I looked again down into the mouth of hell. I could barely breathe.

I just kept looking and looking at it. Trying to gain the courage to do it. I had to put my hand in there. I had no choice. No matter how many times I thought about it if I went back to that hotel without the rings he might end up killing me. I had to do it. I had no choice. There was no way back.

I decided to go for it. I tried not to look too much. I tried not to breathe. My lungs were bursting. This was it. I summoned up every bit of courage that was in me. I drew back my arm and counted down from ten.

and...

Nooooooo! I couldn't do it! I'd rather die than put my hand in that filth. That was it. I was broken. There was no way I could summon up the courage to put my hand in there. Somewhere, deep inside that huge pile of excrement, vomit and pizzle were two of the most precious things Aiden owned. I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't pay the price.

So that night I made my way out of the club for what was one of the longest walks of my life. I couldn't believe it. I had flown to paradise with the promise of sun, sea, sand and sex and found that heaven and hell were the same place! I had looked over the edge of the abyss and took a step back. A step back to face Aiden. Big, fiery, unmedicated and extremely triggerable Aiden.

Paradise lost. Dante's inferno has nothing on a Spanish toilet.

So what happened next?

Firstly let me put the ultimate question to you.

What would you have done?

Would you have rolled your sleeve up and gone for it or would you have said 'To Hell with it. I'll take my chances'?

Imagine you had no money, no job and no way back home. There is no way you can compensate this guy and there is no escape. You sharing a twin bed room with a guy who could do you some very, very serious damage.

Seriously. how far would you have gone to rescue those rings? What if they were your rings? Would you then have done it?

Heaven and hell the same place. It was like no matter which way I turned I was going to suffer and there was no clear road out of there. It turned out to be a shadow of the choice that was made to rescue me.

As you are thinking about just how far you would go I want to tell you about another very real decision that relates to that. Back in 1993 I went through a very sudden and dramatic conversion experience {not in response to the events of that night by the way} and my life was forever changed. I became a Christian.

Now what on earth has that got to do with sticking your hand down a putrid nightclub toilet. Keep that image in your mind {and the choking smell} as I give you a picture of what Christianity really is. You'll never see it the same way again.

According to the Christian belief, in the beginning God created us. We, human beings, are God's precious gold rings. We are the ones God is really interested in and passionately into. What's more, we were designed to reflect who God really is. That's what makes us solid gold. You could say we are God's 'bling', for want of a better term.

What's more, God has paradise for us but we had our own view of paradise. Not in reflecting who he is but in getting what we want. All of us in our own way choose to pursue our own happiness separated from the one to whom we all belong. In seeking our own paradise outside of reflecting his character we find pleasures and vices that we really enjoy not realising that ultimately the place we mistook as paradise slowly unravels and becomes our hell.

Now let me take you back to that stench filled latrine. Because God is perfect in every way, the things we do that he calls sin are never a small deal. They are to him like vomit, excrement and diarrhea. They are utterly disgusting, not because he had a bad attitude to us but because thats how he is wired {Just like we are wired to hate excrement, vomit etc.}. Every act and decision we make that's independent of this wonderful purpose God had for us is incredibly offensive. It's what traditionally we call sin.

Now imagine you are in God's place. You are staring down the toilet in a hell hole with the most unearthly stench you've ever come across and the most valuable thing you own is at the bottom of that toilet. Because you are morally perfect you no longer have this distinctly human convenience of moral compromise or pragmatism. Everything in your perfect nature rails against it. You face the ultimate choice. Rescue the thing you love more than anything in the world and get covered in the thing you hate more than anything or alternatively you can keep your hands clean of it and suffer the heartbreak of losing what is most valuable to you.

When God looks at you and I he sees an incredibly valuable gold ring sitting there under piles of excrement with varying levels of fluidity along with the contents of people's stomachs mixed in for good measure.

What would you do if you were God? Would you stick your hand in and go for it or would you do what I did?

Bear in mind that leaving us there has dire consequences far worse than the ones I faced when I went back to that hotel. God's absolute moral perfection means that if he ultimately rejects us we also eventually lose all the good that goes with it. That's really the nature of hell. It's a godless existence with all the good in this world lost as well. Hell is all you have left.

Now imagine you are that ring. How badly do you want someone to roll their sleeve up and get you out and clean you up. The irony is that when we choose 'sin' rather than God we choose to remain in that toilet. God's plan is to pay the price we wouldn't pay to get us out of that toilet. In other words, he gets his hands dirty, very dirty.

The story of Jesus is one of God getting his hands dirty, taking on our hell so we could be pulled out of the toilet of sin. That's how much God loves us. The whole Christian message is one of Jesus own death on a cross being the price to pay to clean us up and rescue us. He takes our penalty upon himself.

So again, what would you do if you were God? Would you put your hand down that toilet for humanity? Or in the more literal sense, would you suffer crucifixion unto death in order to save others. That's the Christian gospel. That's what Jesus did for us.

It never ceases to amaze me how God faced something even more disgusting that I had and that he hated a thousand times more yet he still went for it. That's the whole point of Jesus dying on the cross. He was taking all our wrongs upon himself so we could be rescued from it.

Perhaps the bible put it best when it uses these words...

"For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Steve Johnson

PS - There is one, very important thing left to share with you. What DID happen when I went back to that hotel?

There is a twist to the tale which is revealed in part two of this account.

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